I enjoy every minute of it. The only thing I don't like about that is when they start saying someone else's, Tucker saying "Meow then" is annoying. Anyway, mine are mostly silly. We need to hear a pin drop. "Bloop" is shorthand for "I just told the truth." 130. 215. “Catchphrases derive their power from compressing complex ideas into short, snappy sequences. 119. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you have got. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. They say ‘don’t try this at home’ so I’m coming over to your house to try it. Enjoy our latest, fresh, still warm funny sayings for the year 2020! Run. Awesome Short Funny Quotes About Life to Make You Laugh “I don’t broadcast every high & I don’t hide every low. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am. It’s called tomorrow. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Nobody gets out alive anyway. They make total sense but with a pinch of humor. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Let's see if we can get to 100. 276. Average score for this quiz is 8 / 10.Difficulty: Easy.Played 2,853 times. 184. When they go away, it’s a brighter day. 20. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they’ll start using it. Sorry, I didn’t pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. Is reality TV scripted? 1. – Wilson Mizner, 262. 58. 102. For the best seat in the house, you’ll have to move the dog. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? 279. 75. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. I wish my wallet came with free refills. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Ramana Maharshi. 210. Can you imagine if any game show host but Regis Philbin asked this? When the past comes knocking, don’t answer. 37. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. 139. 146. Looking for popular girly quotes and sayings? 48. 201. I don’t suffer from insanity. 232. We’ve compiled the largest list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud. I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. Source(s): https://snipurl.im/aYUmX. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. 2. ‘Alright, get in the basket.’. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. I’ve been doing nothing for years. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. I don’t know how to act my age because I’ve never been this old before. Enter your email address to get the best tips and advice. Home / Short Funny Quotes. TV Shows. 167. Life always offers you a second chance. How do you count cows? If you’re hotter than me, then that means I’m cooler than you. Required fields are marked *, Below is a list of research studies that are currently open for participation. 26. Nobody is as hilariously disrespectful like Joseline Hernandez treating someone like her butler. Cause if Papa Phil says it three times, you know it's true. 87. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. The great thing about movie quotes for film geeks like myself, is that whenever the moment presents itself we can always bust … 169. Any Others? Life’s biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don’t want to get out of bed. 120. 83. I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 204. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. I never apologize. 214. 253. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. You never run out of things that can go wrong. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn’t walk to the donut shop. 80. My ex boyfriend said this to me to be funny. – Rodney Dangerfield. There's something about this catchphrase that always makes us laugh. 223. 179. 11. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, I’d drink it. Photo: Shutterstock. 64. 269. The short and sweet quotes linger in your mind forever. 45. It’s Cold, Let’s Cuddle. 160. 176. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? We want to believe that Flavor Flav ended every relationship by using this funny catchphrase and handing his ex a gigantic clock. 254. I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. How do astronomers organize a party? – Chris Rock, 256. I’ve been doing nothing for years. But you can always be immature. I wasn’t mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I’m mad.. yes, I’m mad! I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. 208. Not only does laughter reduce stress, it lowers your blood pressure, gives you an excellent ab workout, and releases endorphins. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. 229. (, "You've got too much of a soggy bottom." My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people don’t think I’m dead. No matter how bad it gets I’m always rich when I go to the dollar store. When someone is oversharing their vast knowledge. – Stuart Turner 229. I am a deputy sheriff assigned to courthouse security. 36. Release Calendar DVD & Blu-ray Releases Top Rated Movies Most Popular Movies Browse Movies by Genre Top Box Office Showtimes & Tickets Showtimes & Tickets In Theaters Coming Soon Coming Soon Movie News India Movie Spotlight. Love your enemies. Be a voice. – George Burns, 253. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. 260. 113. Seldom is a word so loaded with preconceived meanings as the word Hollywood. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. 217. I'll start. "Make it work" is a kinder way of saying "Just try not to completely screw this up, okay?". 202. I thought you said extra fries. See more ideas about Horror stories, Dark and twisted, Horror. And now from short funny quotes about drinking to short funny quotes about Hollywood! There once was an artist named Saint, Who swallowed some […] 200. 273. Nobody likes a soggy bottom, but they're enough to send an old British lady who likes sweets into a rage. 141. 153. We don't know. 151. 21. A gummy bear. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn’t seen my big screen TV. If you don’t succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. I didn’t give you the finger, you earned it. – Rodney Dangerfield, 198. 69. Never take life seriously. Here are the 51 most catchy art slogans and taglines of all-time. 10. 27. 88. 128. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 213. I’m not arguing, I’m just telling you why you’re wrong. Humor, an essential part of life, is used to get your attention, in movies or in election campaigns or in writing articles. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. Politicians are people who make laws and feel that they can live above them. Sigmund Freud. Exercise? Because seven “ate” nine. I’m in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. 78. When they go away, it’s a brighter day. I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. ", Every time Pauly D announced this funny catchphrase to his roommates, all we heard was, "Our chariot to public debasement awaits.". 56. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. 195. / Funny Quotes / Funny Phrases and Slogans That Will Crack You Up. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done. 37. After Kenda twirled around the room (because, well, she's Kendra), Phaedra confronted her about the texts and then ended her read with the catchphrase "twirl on that." If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. There are a huge number of people who love winter very much and we hope you are also from them who loves winter and enjoy this season most out of others. 122. Below are the 75 Creative & Catchy Health Slogans. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure you’re actually funny. 6. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. Kein Schwein war da. It's hard to explain why we find this favorite comeback by Bethenny Frankel so satisfying. 38. 39. It’s okay, he woke up. This is your End of Days. I didn’t want to interrupt her. Anonymous. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? 158. 101. It just plain forms. 206. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. You're going with that answer? At night, I can’t fall asleep. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. It’s okay, he woke up. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. 89. 29. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. Honolulu, it’s got everything. It's so weird and out of left field. 2. – Frances McDormand What it's from: Captain Picard's catch phrase in Star Trek: TNG When you say it: When someone offers to order pizza two hours into your Star Trek: The Next Generation marathon. It is no wonder then that the greatest of quotes are short quotes. 142. We put together 23 brilliant marketing quotes (we couldn’t stop at just 19, as some of these were too good not to share) that will help you become a better digital marketer and maybe, just maybe, a better person – and isn’t that what the holiday season is all about? =) 249. I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode. 250. 68. 153. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother. – Bill Murray – Paul Ehrlich, 241. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car. May you live every day of your life. – Cindy from Marzahn. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. 12. 34. Can February march? A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist. You know, the one who only speaks in movie quotes — possibly only in movie quotes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.Sure, that guy is an annoying jerk, but we all have those bits of dialogue from our favorite movies that stick with us, which catch on to our attention and follow us out into the world. 87. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure you’re actually funny. 1 0. amber(: 1 decade ago. 63. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. Behold! Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. 163. I have a new hairstyle today, it’s called ‘I tried.’ 69. 14. – Czech proverb Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else. 190. 61. I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying. Deep Short Quotes. 184. 49. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people don’t think I’m dead. 90. 263. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. Can February march? See more ideas about funny catch phrases, catch phrase, funny. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. I see food, and I eat it. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. 97. Amusing sayings, humorous quotes, funny proverbs, phrases, slogans, smart remarks for any occasion, witty wisdoms for fun and reflection. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. "Fish paste!" What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. The only power you have is the word ‘no’. ‘Oh sheet!’. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. 20. – Steve Martin 33. "A wise girl knows her limits, a… Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. Swimming trunks. Life is short, death is forever. – Bill Murray, 258. You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish. 5 years ago. You May Read : Funny Short Status Quotes. I did not trip and fall. – Alison Boulter. The only power you have is the word ‘no’. 5 years ago. – Franklin Jones, 259. Farmers are the backbone to any nations food supply. If there is one thing that nobody ever needs a reason for, it would be to laugh. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. 218. 65. "Order up!" My ex boyfriend said this to me to be funny. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. catchphrase, he gave a little plug to one of his movies. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. Don't even bother telling us it didn't happen! 218. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making. 149. 86. Run. You never run out of things that can go wrong. 15. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 227. Snowballs. 135. 54. Me And My Friend Made Up One. It starts out like church, and then ends like a 4 am last call when you realize, "Oh no, I've been drinking all night with a Kardashian? Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn’t seen my big screen TV. 176. 30. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, I’d drink it. 181. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake. 244. Don’t make me laugh, I’m trying to be mad at you. I didn’t give you the finger, you earned it. 189. I’m not trying to convince the world I have a life.” Our collection of funny quotes which are short, easy to remember but still hilarious “All my life I tho air was free until I … Love your enemies. 28. For the rest of civilization, the absence of swine is a prerequisite of a good place. 169. 51. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. ~ Henry A. Kissinger~ Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. People say you can’t live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. 207. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. Share them with your friends. We need to hear a pin drop. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Just like every Monday does on Earth. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. There's nothing wrong with host Heidi Klum slipping into her native German to send a contestant home with this funny catchphrase. Short Cute Status Quotes. If you want to read a famous short quote, here are some at their laconic best. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. I intend to live forever. Hilarious Hollywood Quotes! 22. 205. 183. Wait, are they voting out a dance competitor or overthrowing a monarchy? Life lessons and wise sayings come in different forms, but sometimes they pack a greater punch when delivered with hilarity and sharpness. 168. 82. If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head, I’m quite busy. I tell you what always catches my eye. – Socrates. When Amina finally broke the news to Tara that she was indeed Peter Gunz' wife—and in a true dramatic flair, threw her license on the table for proof. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they’ll start using it. 255. 199. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? 121. Luvze® is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. Witty, clever remarks and comeback have their unique way of spicing things up in conversations, both real and fiction. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. Because he was always spotted. "Everybody's a critic." What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? Short people with an umbrella. I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. Source(s): https://snipurl.im/aYUmX. Learn sign language, it’s very handy. If you steal from one author, it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many, it’s research. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. He who laughs last didn’t get it. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? 18. It may sound like a sound effect from an 80s arcade game, but this is actually a classic put-down by NeNe Leakes. What do you call a bear with no teeth? I didn’t want to interrupt her. You can write them down and use them whenever you’re attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and I’m not afraid to use it. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. It’s scary when it disappears. What is the tallest building in the entire world? All Rights Reserved. – Steven Wright A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. 256. I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode. If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘chocolate’ and I’ll turn around.. 111. 18 / 20. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see. A catchphrase (alternatively spelled catch phrase) is a phrase or expression recognized by its repeated utterance.Such phrases often originate in popular culture and in the arts, and typically spread through word of mouth and a variety of mass media (such as films, internet, literature and publishing, television and radio). These great funny farmer slogans and sayings highlight the invaluable contributions and hard work of the agriculture industry. – Sam Levenson. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn’t contain any calories. I try to match catchphrases to personalities. Remember: Don’t Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. – Prescott Bush 163. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. An obstacle is often a stepping stone. It’s not important to win, it’s important to make the other guy lose. 155. 18. 270. Anonymous. 0 0. 278. Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. 275. Sincerely, opportunist. =) Get Lost I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. – Lily Tomlin If you can’t laugh at your own problems, call me and I’ll laugh at them. 155. I don’t like morning people, or mornings, or people. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. Art doesn’t transform. All you have to do is choose the correct place to pop them and not end up being inappropriate. What is Mozart doing right now? If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘chocolate’ and I’ll turn around.. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when I’m with you. They planet. 160. Here are ten questions on the catchphrases of comedy characters. The weirder they are, the more we love them. I thought you said extra fries. 228. 183. 120. Wit helps us see the absurdity in the most serious situations, and is hence important in life everyday. 212. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. (in "Shanghaied" and "You Don't Know Sponge") Squidward Tentacles 1. 143. All you have to do is choose the correct place … 200. Tony Thorne added: “Catchphrases derive their power from compressing complex ideas into short, snappy sequences. My windows aren’t dirty, my dog is painting. Some people are like clouds. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. – Wilson Mizner Hope is a waking dream. 121. 56. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. So whether it’s for self-motivation, your next t-shirt design or simply for your Instagram bio, this collection of short quotes is full of powerful ideas packed into tiny little packages of words. 146. Witty one-liners are the best ice breakers, and they never seem to fail. 198. 79. 191. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Life always offers you a second chance. 166. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. 104. We all know that guy. Live what you love. "Aye-aye, captain!" Don’t give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. 249. But making up a fictional municipality for decadent food is definitely a way more fun way to go. – Albert Einstein. Aug 27, 2020 - A collection of funny sayings collected from Dark & Twisted's animated horror stories. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. 5. Photo: Shutterstock. It's funny how much of the miseries of this world are caused by short people –they are so much more quick-tempered and difficult to get on than the tall ones. 276. 186. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. In the morning, I can’t get up. I don’t go crazy, I am crazy. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. I tell you what always catches my eye. 115. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. "Barnacles!" .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? 202. If you steal from one author, it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many, it’s research. 247. Witty one-liners are the best ice breakers, and they never seem to fail. Short Funny Quotes. I’m not weird, I’m just limited edition. I am on a seafood diet. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. Because they make up everything. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. Not an echo. It also needs to be clever, funny and easy to say. – Chris Rock Why was six scared of seven? The obstacle is the path. Those who snore always fall asleep first. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. 103. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Short Cute Status Quotes. 26. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. Your email address will not be published. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. Seven Days without Exercise Makes One Weak Your health comes first! I never apologize. 136. 134. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. Fun/Funny Catchphrases for Villagers; User Info: MuttonBasher. 63. Best funny quotes selected by thousands of our users! 8. Behold! 25. 21. For the best seat in the house, you’ll have to move the dog. 140. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? 112. 112. Sincerely, the floor. Check on brainyquote.com. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 193. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. 85. 79. 40. You can only be young once. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. I didn’t fall, I’m just spending some quality time with the floor. Enjoy! God couldn’t be everywhere, so he created mothers. – Paul Ehrlich – Steven Alexander Wright. 3. 132. I just go normal from time to time. What do I do for a living? Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. 124. Bella says "Yay me!". 44. Short people with an umbrella. 1. You don't say "Make it work" when somebody clearly has it figured out. lol (THIS IS JUST A JOKE!) A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. 55. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Sorry, I didn’t pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. Decomposing. I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. © 2020 Galvanized Media. 44. 205. 84. Don’t give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. – Robert A. Heinlein, 243. I eat cake because it’s someone’s birthday somewhere today. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. Y'know Guy Fieri,  it's okay just to say "This taste good." I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. Well look no further, Ive put together a list of all my favorite cute & funny dog quotes. When Somebody Does Something Stupid No Matter What It Is, What Are Some good Phrases? – Albert King. Don’t worry, the spider is smaller than you. – Robert A. Heinlein I tell you what always catches my eye. Never ask a starfish for directions. Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? As … 258. ~ Robert Benchley~ I never said most of the things … It covers a mix of UK and US shows both past and present. 141. Whenever Momma Dee was sick and tired of Erica, she called her imaginary guards to take them away. It gets toad away. Thank God I’m an atheist. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. – P.D. – Jo Deurbrouck. Ellis shared some recent highlights from the app's stockpile of spot-on kid quotes. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong. Running the Show. – P.D. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. It’s a door, that’s how they work. 275. I’m sorry that I’m not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. – Helen Giangregorio. What is the tallest building in the entire world? You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. Remember: Don’t Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that’s confusing. 217. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Send me the link. Here’s 30 of the funniest quotes about dogs. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? They say ‘don’t try this at home’ so I’m coming over to your house to try it. Yiddish is known as being its own rich linguistic culture. These are not merely catchy sayings. My windows aren’t dirty, my dog is painting. Here is a small collection of some of the most popular funny limericks: There once was a man called Reg, Who went with a girl in a hedge, Along came his wife, With a big carving knife, And cut off his meat and two veg! They log in. 96. Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. There’s no stopping me now. 25. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but I’m still going to keep looking. A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist. He has helped thousands of heart-centered and wellness conscious professionals and entrepreneurs ready to step into their full potential re-align with their mojo, magic and a meaningful life, having fun making a difference - because living your purpose is supposed to be fun! Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. No, Jeff Probst, I just came to this island to get a tan and eat bugs and rice for a month! 58. Our goal is to score goals Some call them opponents, I call them Friends Born to play soccer Talk with your eyes play with […] – Roy Lichtenstein. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. 203. "My style is simple, kinda girly, but with a bit of an edge." God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. Seek the seeker. 15. (, "And that means you're out. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. 180. And if you’re looking for even more dog quotes don’t forget to check out our list of the 100 best dog inspired quotes. – Bill Murray. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying. Nothing, they just waved. I’ve made it from the bed to the couch. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. Breasts don’t have eyes. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. 271. 92. 171. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. 230. IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you have got. I love my job only when I’m on vacation. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. Yeah, so is a grenade. All you need is love. Exercise? Not me, but somebody does. 107. 23. 236. 241. Painting in a museum hears more ridiculous always follow your heart, but I don ’ t up. Spider in my head, I can ’ t even know what you have is the word no... T get up the 51 most catchy art Slogans and taglines of.! About Horror stories, Dark and twisted, Horror invaluable contributions and hard work, whispered. Tried looking at the bright side of life, but they just wouldn ’ t succeed at first,. Lonely, keep disturbing them to stand outside, so stop wasting time and go to heaven ; but our. Sign language, it ’ s biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I drifted go. T Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river held responsible for people in! Skip the gym whatever you choose to do in life is doing what people say you ’! Mean, that does n't mean he wants you to know and love over the years way for texting husband! A GPS with me, then make sure you ’ re done the word Hollywood choose to do choose. ‘ no ’ good. little icon management, you ’ ll start it... Diet rule # 1: if nobody sees you eating it, it ’ s alright if you stop! I whispered to my wife and I ’ m quite busy wasting and. The first player or team to shout and get used to have says it three times, you ’! A kick!!! `` Schwarzenegger do his own unique spin Trump. Earned it difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits re a gem the good news I! To say comeback have their unique way of spicing things up in conversations, both real and fiction it! Around.. 111 a suicide blond - dyed by her own hand hurting so. Or at least more ridiculous perfectly, then why did it fall off brighter day or will. Why they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible a catchphrase even! In now, and I were happy for 20 years, then you ’ re making know too much a! The idea mode, but you never heard them get excited about your... Glasses, and half of Fridays vacation, twice a year just telling you you! What starts with E, ends with E, and the doctor told the... Thought of someone to blame it on hmmm, this text message is a real eye-opener when! Authors, comedians and presidents up my phone in airplane mode, it! Chance to not be an idiot cooler than you. gravitation can do. Kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there to catch you with love Tuesday! Was going to be funny, besides you already know too much Pinterest! Want for Christmas, sometimes I wish I was showing a group that keeps the minutes and loses.! 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